“When Nothing Is Certain …”
I have to credit today’s post to Luna. If you haven’t been keeping up, she has had some potentially wonderful news! A birth mother is very interested in having Luna & her sweetie become parents for the unborn little one. Luna is aware that things could still change – there are 5 months still to go before the baby is due – but it does sound so hopeful. I can’t tell you how happy this news was to hear!
As for me – today was a rather challenging day … I have been making tons of job applications in the past few days (well, maybe a dozen) and had a phone call to discover that certain conditions are not as favourable as I had hoped. Then, I got a speeding ticket. There’s also the fact that DH’s one year “anniversary” of being unemployed is fast approaching. Altogether, not the most cheerful day!
Then I clicked over to Luna’s blog to find the following quote:
“When nothing is certain, everything is possible.”
It did help to give me room to breathe. This is how I’ve been feeling most of the time about our job situation – that there are so many possibilities. It’s exciting in a way, because we just don’t know what path we will take! But then there are days when I feel we are stuck here always, that we will never find a path to move forward on. I am tired of being in suspended animation. It would be great to make plans again, to engage in life again … oh, and yes, to be making money again!
It is odd how familiar these thoughts are. A version of the same feeling was with me during our years of IF. Personally, I would say IF was more wrenching and emotional and the hardest experience I’ve had to go through. For DH, the job situation might claim “top spot” – an interesting difference between men & women, or between just our two characters, I don’t know.
Anyway, I am going to choose (or try to choose) to stay in the land of the possible versus the land of the it’s-never-going-to-change. Right after I pour myself a nice glass of red wine, that is.
Acknowledging our suffering
I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ve been following the “Spiritual Exercises” of St Ignatius of Loyola. It’s learning an approach to prayer & meditation which is Bible-based, hence Christian in its approach. I began over a year ago. At that time I was pretty good at dedicating an hour a day to prayer time, journaling afterwards, and doing my night time reflection on the day. Along the way, however, this became impractical. Now I am continuing in this path, but it would be more correct to say I’m “praying with the exercises” as opposed to actually going through them. This was a good solution for me, and I was happy that I could accept this transition without feeling like I had failed.
To help you through the exercises, you have a “spiritual director.” My director, M, isn’t so fond of that term. I think she prefers to be considered a guide, mentor, or friend. In any case, she has been a wonderful companion along this journey. She pushes me when I need to be pushed to go into more depth about things that I would rather avoid, and she is loving and compassionate when the storms break.
Recently I went to visit M and check in. Things are fairly stressful here with DH’s unemployment situation and myself being on leave (so no money coming in); the market nosediving and employment opportunities becoming more scarce; and the usual stresses of dealing with food allergy, other health issues, and daily life (like keeping the house tidy, a constant struggle for me). As we were discussing it I presented it to M saying “it’s not as bad as it could be – we have savings we can access, and I’m starting to job search … we have family that would help us if it got really bad …”
At this point she stopped me and basically said “You need to acknowledge that you are suffering. Don’t diminish the fact that this is hard for you. This is your suffering and it is real.”
I felt a kind of release when she said this. Perhaps it gives me permission to be sad, to hurt, and to feel uncertain about the future, without diminishing the fact that this is a painful time. It is definitely true that others are going through far worse times than us … people in war-torn countries, or those who are starving, homeless, or watching loved ones perish. I cannot imagine the magnitude of their pain and it is not fair for anyone to be going through these things. (In fact, in comparing events in my own life to where we are today, I would say that infertility was a more painful experience for me than our current situation – but I think DH would say the opposite.) Perhaps what M was saying is that it’s not about measuring whose pain is greater, but accepting that sometimes pain is part of life – and doing things to help others or ourselves when we can – but that recognizing our situation it is an important step.
This phrase has been going through my mind lately: “It is what it is.” Good, bad, fair, unfair, whatever – it simply *is*. I think this probably comes from some of the reading I’ve done on the Buddhist approach. It’s comforting in a way because it takes “evaluating” out of the equation. This phrase helps me to accept and recognize life as it is now.
I’m not sure I’m at the point yet where I can say I’m truly embracing this time of stress and uncertainty, and welcoming the lessons it has for me. (I think this comes both from the Christian & Buddhist readings?) I might just be stuck on acknowledging that this is suffering, and it is our path for the moment. But at least I can say that it is real, it exists for us, and it just is.
*********
I was in a store today and they were playing “Everybody Hurts” by REM – it just seemed so in tune with where I am right now. I thought I’d include the lyrics below:
When your day is long and the night,
The night is yours alone
When you’re sure you’ve had enough of this life, well hang on
Don’t let yourself go, ’cause everybody cries ,and everybody hurts
Sometimes.., sometimes everything is wrong,
Now it’s time to sing along
…
If you think you’ve had too much of this life, well hang on
‘Cause everybody hurts, take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts, don’t throw your hands, oh now,
Don’t throw your hands
If you feel like you’re alone, no, no, no, you’re not alone
If you’re on your own in this life, the days and nights are long
When you think you’ve had too much, of this life, to hang on
Well everybody hurts, sometimes
Everybody cries, and everybody hurts, sometimes
But everybody hurts sometimes so hold on, hold on, hold on,
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on,
Everybody hurts, you are not alone
My brilliant Mother-in-Law rescues a cell phone
I am fortunate that MIL and I have a really good relationship. We have our differences of approach and differences of opinion, but I think we can really appreciate each other and add to each others’ lives. We also live a good few hours car drive apart, which may contribute to overall harmony 
(DH & I are several hours away from my parents too, so we have a degree of independence from both families, but are still able to stay connected).
Anyway I am frequently impressed by the solutions MIL finds to issues that come up. This particularly brilliant solution came about after SIL machine-washed her cell phone. As she was lamenting its useless state, MIL suggested burying it in a bag of rice. Hey presto, the next day it was working!
If only I’d known this – or been able to think of it myself – before my friend’s cell phone went in the toilet … (it was in her pocket and as she assumed the position it fell in!)
Amazing Soup Method
I am excited to share this amazing soup method with you. While the cold weather always brings out the soup-maker in me – after all, it’s a great way to celebrate the change of seasons – this year, I feel I have a miracle method that has stood up to every veggie I’ve thrown at it so far!
I should perhaps mention that part of the reason for all of this soup is trying to fit an extra veggie serving in at the beginning of every supper. You know that diet advice about having a bowl of soup before eating … and I figured our veggie intake could use a boost … so this seemed like the perfect fit.
This method comes from the cookbook “Cranks Fast Food” which was recommended to me by a fellow blogger who I met during NaComLeavMo, around June I think. I haven’t been able to track down the comment (even though I thought I knew who it was). I hope to find it again and I’ll edit to add an official acknowledgement, because I am eternally grateful for this recommendation! (and if you happen to be reading, please send me a message)
1. Warm a good splash of olive oil in a high-sided pan (or pot). I use quite a low heat, about a 3. Chop an onion and smash some garlic cloves (I love garlic so I use lots!) and toss them in the pan to golden up slowly. (I’m also looking to up our turmeric consumption, as that’s supposed to be good for you, so depending on the veggie I’ll throw in some turmeric and pepper when the onions etc. are close to being done. Pepper helps make the good stuff in turmeric more available to the body).
2. When the onions & garlic are soft & sweet, put in your veggie.
3. Put in some veggie stock – depends how liquid you like your soup to be. I normally just barely cover. I would guess that having good stock that you really like is critical to this soup.
4. Let it heat through until tender. (I sometimes turn up the heat here).
5. Put it in a blender and puree it. The soup gets thick & creamy and so delicious! The colour is amazing too – bright green for peas, yellow for frozen corn, etc.
6. You can add milk to it when serving if you want an extra “cream of” but really the soup is velvety and wonderful and seems like a cream soup anyway. Another idea is a dollop of plain yogurt or sour cream.
Veggies I’ve tried:
- frozen veggies – peas, corn, or green beans
- roughly chopped broccoli or cauliflower
- tomatoes
- spinach (I add a can of white beans to spinach) or kale
- mushrooms (I usually sautee in a separate pan, blend up the onion/garlic/stock, and combine the two later. I like having actual mushrooms to eat in my soup).
- can of pumpkin puree
Another amazing feature to me is that I don’t usually need to add salt. (of course the powdered veggie stock does have salt already). I often will add some spices in if I’ve found a recipe that matches a spice with a veggie, but much more often I don’t add anything. I did find that I much prefer it with veggie stock instead of chicken stock.
One pot lasts 1-3 days depending on how much veggie & stock I used. For a really spectacular presentation, if you have 2 soups of different colours, you can ladle in one soup (say tomato) and then tilt the bowl slightly to add a ladle of different colour soup (say green pea). The bright colours look so cool in the bowl!
There is a blender to clean when all is said & done, but if it’s done right away it’s a quick job.
There are other recipes in this cookbook (Cranks Fast Food) which have also been interesting and delicious. It’s not the perfect one for us as there are many egg recipes, and also several where ground nuts are added for a texture purpose & I’m not sure how to substitute for that. However this soup method is worth the cost of the entire book as far as I’m concerned. If you can browse it at a bookstore to see what you think, I’d highly recommend taking a look.
Please let me know if you try it out, what veggie you used, and if you love it as much as I do!
The Sizzle and The Steak
Here’s a question that keeps re-appearing at various points in my life. How important is sizzle? For those of you unfamiliar with the metaphor, my grandpa would say a person was “all sizzle and no steak” if they talked a good game but had nothing to back it up – if they made promises and never delivered, for example.
I would often think of this analogy in terms of friendships. I’d rather be friends with someone who has integrity, a sense of humour, a generous heart, etc. Considerations such as how fashionable they are, what they weigh, of if they run with the “cool” crowd just don’t matter so much to me.
And yet, sizzle does come in there somewhere. DH and I were friends back in highschool, and we made the transition to sweethearts sometime after that. I just didn’t think of him in “that way” until a few things caused me to look at him in a new light. One of those was the way he revved the engine in his car. (Silly, I know!) In some sense, I guess the turbo-charged Grand Am and the way he drove it did reflect a part of his personality I never knew before, and one that was certainly intriguing 
A church sermon recently made allusion to this. When the priest first came to our little church, apparently there was a big row of dead trees in the front. When the parish committee met with him to talk about the needs of the church, the first thing on his list was taking down those trees and improving the appearance of the place – planting some trees, flowers, whatever. Now to me, what goes on in the church is more important – is it a place of love & welcome? I would have thought of improving the image as last on my list.
Yet the image we present to the world is the first view others have of it. I suppose it has some importance after all. If a place doesn’t look welcoming, you aren’t as likely to go in and find out about it – to see if there is a “steak” there you are interested in. (apologies to any vegetarians reading this!) If you don’t bother to wear reasonable clothes, people may not feel comfortable starting a conversation.
Perhaps I carry a stubbornness about this because of some experiences in elementary school, where being in fashion was a big thing for the “in crowd” (which did not include me). That’s probably where I decided that the substance of a person was much more important than their appearance. But I extended that view to people who do care about their appearance, and enjoy being fashionable and elegantly put together, to suspect that they are more likely to be shells of people, more sizzle than steak. That is, of course, a totally unfair and unwarranted assumption!
Also, I think I need to learn more about the sizzle, and figure out how to make it work for me. Sooner or later I’ll have to wear some make-up regularly, learn how to manage my own wardrobe, and enjoy it all. It’s not that I’m a mess now – DH, my mom, MIL, and SIL’s usually get me lovely clothes for birthday & Christmas, so I have decent things to wear, and I like to be comfortable and feel good. My look tends to be more jeans & sweaters or jeans & blouses – very low maintenance. Perhaps I shouldn’t be afraid to think about branching out from there. Working on the sizzle does not need to mean there’s less steak … right?
Of course, with our current financial situation I won’t be renovating my wardrobe anytime soon! I did hear a great program about consignment shopping though, and I think I’ll pursue that to see where I can go with it. It’s just that I’ve almost made it a point of pride to not follow fashion, so to think of plunging in and trying to be aware of trends – that will be different.
I’d be interested to know – where you do rate the sizzle and the steak?? How important is appearance anyway?
My first tag!
Woo hoo ! This comes at the perfect time since I have many half-thought-out posts in my head but nothing to actually write. I’ve been sick for the last week – not feeling so bad, but with a cough that is annoying & keeps me awake. Usually I take Nyquil and get some sleep but last night I tried another medicine. It wasn’t marked “non-drowsy” but I could feel my heart pounding away, so there was something in there that didn’t agree with me. Hence today, on about 2 hours of sleep, wanting to post but just not quite up to it.
Until I got caught up with Portraits in Sepia and her adoption journey and discovered … I’ve been tagged
The idea is to give one word answers to the questions, but I may have to elaborate on a few …
1. Where is your cell phone? Long story. The charger got all gooey with molasses so it doesn’t work anyway!
2. Where is your significant other? at volleyball
3. Your hair color? brown
4. Your mother? wonderful – in a quiet, loving, good listener, one of my role models way
5. Your father? wonderful – in a sometimes gregarious, sometimes hermit-ish, always loving way
6. Your favorite thing? being with those I love (but I need time to myself too!)
7. Your dream last night? scary
8. Your dream/goal? hit the elusive work/life balance – time for spiritual growth, to nurture relationships, exercise, fulfilling career, travel, etc.
9.The room you’re in? study
10. Your hobby? reading, cooking
11. Your fear? being in suspended animation (in regards to the employment situation) forever
12. Where do you want to be in six years? a house with a wood burning fireplace
13. Where were you last night? in bed, unable to sleep
14. What you’re not? a fashion plate
15. One of your wish list items? a skating rink in the backyard
16. Where you grew up? Southern Ontario
17. The last thing you did? snuggled w/ DH before he left
18. What are you wearing? jeans, soft sweater
19. Your T.V.? probably the cooking channel
20. Your pet? don’t have one, would like to get a dog someday
21. Your computer? window to the larger world
22. Your mood? tired
23. Missing someone? girl friends I haven’t seen in awhile (but will see in a few weeks)
24. Your car? stick-shift! I loooove driving standard OK, so it’s DH’s car that is standard.
25. Something you’re not wearing? socks (unlike everyone else who’s done this, I am wearing underwear!!)
26. Favorite store? hm – a book store
27. Your Summer? good
28. Love someone? Yes!
29. Your favorite color? green
30. Last time you laughed? this evening
31. Last time you cried? yesterday afternoon
Now YOU are tagged!
Why not Mason Jars? (Food Chronicles 8.2)
I mentioned avoiding BPA-containing cans in the initial food chronicles post, and this is a bit of a tangent. Part of the whole healthy/sustainable living quest will eventually involve replacing plastic food storage – the Glad & Ziploc containers that usually hold my leftovers, or extra batches of soup or sauce, the ziploc freezer bags that hold various things, and other plastic containers in general. While this has been percolating in my mind, no solution presented itself until my brilliant friend D made me a treat she had cooked – in a small mason jar. Voila!
As it turns out, she’s begun using Mason jars for food storage. Apparently you can get small ones (125 mL) and large ones (4 L) and many sizes in between. D says they go in the fridge, the freezer, can be sterilized in the dishwasher, and are easily available and not too expensive. How, how, how did I miss such an obvious solution?? And how many “duh” moments will I have this month? But I am glad to benefit from D’s wisdom!
I haven’t yet made the trip to the basement to bring out Mason jars, or looked around for a greater variety of Mason jar sizes, but I am looking forward to replacing my plastic food containers. I don’t think I’m ready to let go of Ziplocs yet. (Every time I use them I remember a line from a radio show, about how every bit of non-degradable plastic manufactured is still with us today.)
Along the same lines, I’ve been really happy with the Laptop Lunchbox/Bento Box that I purchased a few months ago. I love bright coloured containers, and the fact that I don’t need plastic wrap or sandwich bags. It’s been so much fun to think of what to put in each container to enjoy the contrast of colours, and what will fit where. It also fits only a certain amount of food, so that’s automatic portion control; plus it encourages variety for the different containers, which has encouraged me to up the veggie intake. The one thing I would change is to have lids for the smaller containers too – if I want to pack a yogurt it must be in the bigger container.
According to the website “we manufacture our lunch containers here in California using plastics (polypropylene and polyethylene) that are FDA-approved for food use. We do not use any binding agents or plasticizers in the process. We do not use any materials that are suspected carcinogens or endocrine disrupters” Apparently it is also possible to recycle the plastic that it’s made of, although everything in the set seems very durable and I don’t anticipate needing to recycle anytime soon.
I’d really like to hear any brilliant ideas that have come your way (or come from your own brain) in a quest for healthier eating, or more environmentally friendly eating. I’m wondering how many more “duh” moments are in store for me!
The opposite of gratitude
This past weekend was the Canadian Thanksgiving weekend. For most of my family & friends, it’s a family based event involving quantities of delicious food – usually featuring turkey, cranberry sauce, gravy, and pumpkin pie, as well as other dishes. I understand that in the USA, Thanksgiving is the *big* holiday. Around here, usually Christmas time is a bigger deal. (Interesting, since many Canadians are of non-Christian faiths. But I guess everyone enjoys having statutory holidays anyway … and we really need the festivities to get us through that darkest part of the year.)
I made it to church on Sunday and have been intrigued by part of the sermon. The main theme was thankfulness. The priest asked the question “What is the opposite of thankfulness?” I immediately thought of ingratitude, but his answer was greed. (He tied the greed theme back into the economic situation which has been rocking the world.)
This made for a great conversation with DH (who did not attend church with me). His view is that ingratitude shows that a person isn’t grateful for something because they feel entitled to it, so of course they should have it. Greed implies that a person feels entitled not just to what they have received, but that in fact they should have more. I can see how greed would make you miserable as you would always be feeling that you really should have more than what you do, as opposed to simply oblivious because you don’t appreciate what you have. Either way, you miss out on the joy of treasuring and cherishing something, since it is taken for granted.
Now, let’s bring this back to the Thanksgiving meal. I enjoy partaking of it all, savouring my favourite dishes, and even having second helpings. I am thankful for this chance to celebrate with my family and for all the work that we put into such a wonderful meal. But I do eat a lot of it. Is that greed? Is that just appreciating excessive quantities of something? If you are thankful for it, can you still pig out and not be greedy? I’ve always seen it as exuberantly celebrating … but really, it’s not that great for me to eat quite so much. I guess I have to learn to enjoy and be thankful in smaller portions. That seems hard when my family seems to enjoy things based on “if a little is good, a lot is even better!” I have to find a way to do this so I don’t feel deprived, I guess.
For any of you who may be reading and who are believers in the power of prayer, positive energy, good vibes etc … there is a job possibility that we are really hoping for. There’s been talk of some of the details, but the final decision has yet to be made. Please send us your good thoughts! We would surely appreciate & treasure being employed now, in a way that we would never have done before …
Food Chronicles 8.1 – BPA and canned tomatoes
Hm – I’m already off track – I’d planned to go along my list in a nice, orderly fashion and already I’m jumping to #8 on my food chronicles list! However, I think seasonal relevance trumps orderly – and I’ve discovered an easy alternative to canned tomatoes, so I just had to post now in case anyone else could use this information too.
First, there has been alot of hype about BPA (bisphenol A), a kind of plastic that is widely used and has been assumed to be safe. It didn’t have to pass the same kinds of safety test as other substances that came to market after the mid-1970’s since it was already in use. Common places BPA is used include hard, clear plastic bottles (polycarbonate bottles, some kinds of Nalgene bottles, some baby bottles), the liners of many metal cans, and -as I’ve just realized- containers like my food processor bowl and probably my gravy separator as well.
However, some observations of lab animals have recently caused concern about the health of effects of the constant low dose (or even higher dose) that most of us are exposed too. When you consider the meteoric rise in issues like infertility, allergy, asthma, obesity, and other health issues, there must be some factor or factors in our way of life that are affecting us. It’s probably a combination of things – from pesticide use and air pollution, to our food supply and sedentary habits. We have so many thousands of genes and tiny amounts of things can switch them on or off. I am concerned enough about BPA to make some changes, but not everyone is as concerned – particularly the industries that use and make BPA. There is room for doubt, but I am playing it safe. Here are some sources for more information:
For a general overview of plastics & recommendations: guide to plastics
This explains why BPA may not be dangerous, since humans metabolize it differently than the rodents who have been studied for exposure.
This explains why BPA may be dangerous, as it may mimic female hormones, and as it may be correlated with other health issues.
I have already switched to stainless steel water bottles, and am now looking at reducing exposure to the liner of cans. One of the canned items I used most are tomatoes. And …. tomatoes are now in season. So, I should get out my very dusty canning kit and cookbook, right?
WAIT! There is an easy alternative. I didn’t know it, but you can just freeze tomatoes. I was so excited to discover this (not only am I lazy lately, but short on time). Basically, I just washed the tomatoes, took off the stem tops and any bruises, placed them on parchment paper on cookie sheets, and stuck them in the freezer. When I remembered about them I popped them into ziploc bags, like frozen little baseballs.
On Saturday I made a spaghetti sauce and tossed in some of these frozen tomatoes -they melted right in and didn’t require much mashing. (They did take some time to melt down).
If you do want to peel the skin off, you can do so before freezing, or run the frozen tomato under warm water and (apparently) it’s quite easy to peel the skin off with your hands.
I found a couple of sites on the internet but also spoke to my friend and my mom to get tips. Now, it could be that you are saying “duh! of course! I’ve always known you can freeze tomates” – it’s so easy I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before. Sometimes I need someone to point out the obvious.
My favourite links were from the University of Nebraska-Lincoln and the freezing tomatoes guide from pick-your-own site.
Men, Women & Risk
A couple of years ago, DH told me something he’d heard about how men and women evaluate risk. Apparently men will evaluate a risk considering more the likelihood of danger, versus how serious that danger is. Therefore they may decide to take a risk with a potentially very dangerous outcome, if they think it’s highly unlikely that dangerous outcome will actually happen.
On the other hand (so DH told me) women will weigh the severity of the potential outcome much more highly than the likelihood of that outcome. Thus a woman may decide to not take a risk that carries a lot of danger, even though the chances of it actually happening are small.
When I look at how DH and I make decisions, it seems pretty accurate. He was happy to have laser eye surgery done – and has been very happy with the results. Although I know it’s a well-researched procedure and it has a good track record, there is always a small risk that something could go wrong. I just don’t want to take any chances I don’t have to take with my vision. Glasses don’t really bother me (and in fact, given my general klutziness, they are a pretty good idea anyway. At least once a year I walk into a wall or a door, or something pokes at me in the vicinity of my eyes, and I’m glad to have eye protection!)
So what do you think? Does this observation about gender and risk taking ring true to you?
