I don’t feel as excited and joyful about Christmas as I usually do. I think it goes down to stress, mental exhaustion, not being able to focus and juggle as much as usual. This advent, I made it a goal to read something from the Bible every night – and most nights I did – so that is something towards preparing myself for the joy. Prayer buddies was so good for me because it gave me a focus, and morning and evening prayer at the least to pray for my buddy – and for the buddy who is praying for me 🙂
But somehow I can’t seem to find it in myself to hope – to really hope – that things will get better for us. I do hope in a detached kind of way. But there isn’t the same energy that I usually have. I slip into negativity at times.
One time when I thought “I really should send out our “update” letter and Christmas cards … but what will I write? Something along the lines of how stressful 2010 was, how difficult we are finding it on several levels to deal with under-employment for DH, and being in the wrong place for me in my career … how it feels like we’ve been on this hamster wheel forever and it’s hard to believe that ‘this too shall pass’ – hah, that would make good reading!”… yes, I was throwing myself a good pity party there.
Fortunately I realized that there has been a lot of good this year. The trip out West – selling the house quickly and well – having our offer accepted on the other house, where we plan to rent out half and live in half – giving us a bit more room financially. Good medical care, wonderful friendships and family. There is alot that is good.
But I am really hoping and praying that 2011 will be the year that this fumbling about in darkness will be resolved. That DH and I both will find joy, energy and motivation in our careers – that we will recover our stability.
2010 hasn’t been a picnic for many people I know IRL or whose blogs I follow. Of course many have had great joy this year, which is wonderful! But I can think of quite a few people for whom I hope 2011 is a great improvement over 2010.
Ps. Please send some good vibes, prayers, loving thoughts – whatever you can – to TCIE(http://thiscrossiembrace.blogspot.com). There were so many indications that she was pg (after such a difficult year on many fronts) – and just after becoming convinced, it all unravelled.