Back before Christmas, I had a really bad weekend where I was grumpy, unhappy, unproductive and snappish with everyone. I have learned that when this happens to me, it could be that I am in ‘desolation’ – ie. missing the peace that I normally have, at least to an extent, due to feeling a connection with God.
So, I prayed. I asked God to show me if I had taken a wrong turn or a wrong focus somewhere, such that I could no longer ‘find’ His presence. And if not, if it was just a time that I am meant to work through on my own to learn something (how to trust even when I don’t feel God’s presence for example … I have had experiences like that before) – then to give me strength for this.
In my prayer, I felt/saw Jesus come and take my hand, then lead me to Mary. He placed my hand in hers and said “I’d like you to meet my mother.”
From this I understood that my next focus in my prayer life should be learning more about Mary. As a Catholic, I have a lot of background about Mary ‘stuff,” and I have prayed to ask her to pray for us, etc. … there are certain meditations and times when I have felt close to her, but not as a consistent thing. I guess that is about to change!
One of the joys of going through the storage locker is finding books (ah, my long-lost friends!) that I have not seen in about a year. Two of these books are about Medjugorje, a place where Mary has apparently been appearing to and speaking to certain people for the past 15 years or so. These books have a new interest for me now that they did not have before.
I also wonder, had I not been Catholic, how next steps may evolve. I think God works with us where we are, in the ways we understand. For a Christian, but non-Catholic person, there might be a different path that would be indicated. For a Jewish, Hindu, Muslim, or Native Spirituality person – the symbols that are meaningful and help us dig into our faith to get to the reality, the people who help us along, would be different.
Of course, in my view, Mary has an irreplaceable role in getting know Jesus and God – as the only human being to be so close to the Divine, and to have such an intimate and responsible relationship in this plan of Love.
I am not sure where this new direction will take me, but I have been preparing for it, and I am now fully under way – by the grace of God ….