What I am hoping for this Easter

Whew.  I am so glad the Easter holiday is here and I can catch a breath.

I usually see Christmas as a family holiday, and get back to the homestead (both my parents and my in-laws are basically in the same community, so we have an easy time of visiting with everyone).  We fit all of our schedules together, and if I can make it to midnight mass I really like to do that – but if I don’t, I am philosophical about it.

Easter I see as more of a religious holiday.  When I was in University, there were years that Easter came close to exam times and so I didn’t make it home.  I was okay with that (as I would not have been about missing family Christmas!)  On the other hand, it is really really important to me to make it to the religious celebrations of Easter – Holy Thursday (The mass of the Lord’s supper); Good Friday, the Easter Vigil and (often, but not always) Easter Sunday.  Honestly I’d rather visit family the weekend before or the weekend after, and just concentrate on spiritual stuff Easter weekend.  

But, it is not to be this year.  The way all of our schedules are working out – we will be doing the visit home this weekend.  The big birthday celebration will preclude the Easter Vigil.  (the majority of my family, including DH, are not Catholic – so I am kind of the only one with this hold out.)  I am really disappointed about this … but the situation being what it is, I guess I will just miss out on the Vigil this year.

In the past, Easter has occasionally been a season of BIG transformation for me.  I never know which part of Easter will really hit me, or if there is a big ‘moment’ that will happen for me at this time (many years, it is a wonderful time, but some years it has shaken up my whole life).  

This year … well, I have realized in the past few days that I really need to put God in every moment of my life.  Right now I tend to lose myself in aimless ‘down time’ which probably creates stress for me overall since other important things do not get done.  All of the checklists and drawing up schedules from my own effort does not seem to be helping.  My will is not enough here.  so, I am seeking to ask God to help me give every moment of every day to Him – asking for Him to increase my desire for this (instead of my desire to drink tea, eat chocolate, and cruise my favourite blogs for too much time!)  Perhaps I could phrase it that I am praying to be able to surrender my time, and not feel that I am entitled to vegging out when I feel like it (I do hope and expect that God will provide me with vegging out time, just maybe not quite like I am doing it now).

The other thing – I have to figure something out for my schedule for next year.  I am really praying, again, that I can put this into God’s hands and desire what is best in His plan.  I have an instinctive ‘what *I* want’ mindset, my teaching partner wants something else, and so I think is best for me is not what she thinks is best for her.  Our principal right now sees us as a joint team, and because choice 1 vs. choice 2 alters my workload, it is likely that if I went in and asked for choice 2, she would arrange that … but I really want choice 1 and my partner wants choice 2.  I know my partner *really* wants me to swing to choice 2.  Right now my heart is not there.  I have to consider my workload, interests etc. and I am not responsible for her life, but …. I do feel responsible.  At least I need to sit with these options and see where I may be led.  It is hard for me to just sit, with an open mind and open heart, and not be attached to the outcome I think I prefer.

My blog readers and friends, I wish and pray for you all a joyous Easter, Passover, or whatever is appropriate to you.  I hope that peace and the new life of spring brings you joy.

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