So – life has been busy. Very very busy! And it is better now, as DH has a job where he is home once more (yay!) and the children are older. But what about this blog?
Where once infertility and its struggles were of prime concern to me, religious/spiritual matters have really become a centre for my life. Infertility will always be an important part of who I am (despite having the incredible luck, blessing, or however it can be described, to have our two children now). Infertility was a time of crucial suffering, and honestly it still stabs me in the heart sometimes when I hear the casual assumptions, conversations and experience of others for whom this was not a life-changing agony. Those years were instrumental in turning me towards God in a new way, in contemplating inklings about the Lord. This gradually took precedence over musings about Life, the Universe and Everything – and became a critical part of the deepening of prayer life and relationship with God.
Lately – the fire in my veins has been much more about walking with the Lord. I find that prayer, worship, reading, and friendships that bring me closer to the source of life and love, are really where it’s at for me. I find great challenge and energy in striving to live out my vocations (child of God; wife; mother; teacher, daughter/sister/family member, friend, etc.) Sometimes I have exquisite experiences of great love and wonder at the amazing and everyday things that surround us. Mostly I continue seeking truth as the path unfolds before me.
While this has been a wonderful, breath-taking adventure, it has its own painful moments. DH is not really on this journey with me – or at least, not in a way I can see – and that is difficult. He is supportive and recognizes how important this is for me, and also supports the religious education and progress for our children (I am Catholic and the children go to Catholic school; the 3 of us attend mass on Sundays where the children are active, and DH sometimes comes with us and sometimes not). Overall he is such an amazing, wonderful person and father! It is just more difficult than if we were on the same page, the “two oxen equally yoked.”
When we were married I was a practising Catholic but I was barely aware, and not interested, in many of the Church’s teachings that I consider so fascinating, and probably-true-but-I’m-not-quite-there yet (e.g. contraception; infallibility of the pope; the love & respect for homosexual persons but not supporting same-sex marriage). Now that I am interested in these controversial topics, it is quite difficult for DH as it is difficult for me to find a way to live daily life when we have such different views. It has been a big change that he was not expecting – and not one I expected either. However, friends of mine where both wife and husband are strong, practising, daily-praying Catholics, still have their challenges too. Thus I try to just embrace every moment, give thanks for it, and seek to love and serve in truth, without allowing myself to get in the way, as much as possible (much easier said than done – I often get distracted).
I hope this will be the beginning of me posting more about the love story of faith and life as I experience it. I guess we will see where it goes!